Well I got fucked yet again tonight. And not in the good way. More like the way in which a 7 point underdog team upsets a team coming off a 52 point offensive explosion and is essentially playing a home bowl game. It's bowl season, the time of the year where, in theory, I have my best chance to win money. I'm not off to a good start after Florida Atlantic upset Central Michigan tonight in the Music City Bowl.
I could probably write an entire book on all the ways in which teams I bet on manage to fuck me big time. But I wont bore with you with the stupid stuff like bad poker beats or meaningless $10 Pitts bets. Just the excruciating, makes-me-wish-I-owned-a-hand-gun losses that cost me significant amounts of money and pissed me significant amounts off.
#4 Take the 2002 National Championship game for instance. I was a bright eyed youngster, naive to the harsh and unforgiving world of gambling. I had the game on lock down until a phantom bullshit pass interference call on 4th down in overtime came in 10 seconds after the damn whistle, and allowed the 11.5 point underdog Buckeyes to upset Miami and send moths flying out of my wallet. Fucking Craig Krenzel.
#3 How about late in the 2007 season when the Sox bullpen blew a 5 run lead in the 8th inning against the damn Yankees. "We certainly feel like we stole it," said A-Rod after the game.
Yeah, how about I steal your wife's alimony check to cover the gambling losses you cost me you cheating asshole.
#2 Of course I can't leave out my trip to Foxwoods where I wore a groove in the carpet walking from the blackjack table to the atm. I lost 5 straight hands in which I went to the atm, sat down and cashed in my chips, put 100 bucks on a hand, lost, and walked back to the atm. You know you're embarrassing yourself when the dealer pulls you aside and says "hey kid, are you sure you want to do this? I know I'm a dealer but I have a kid your age and this is really difficult to watch".
#1 Occasionally, I do win. My thing though is that I don't know when to stop. In Aruba I turned 50 bucks into 800 over the course of the vacation. But when our flight was delayed due to snow at Logan, I went back to the casino. Nothing is better than the feeling of blowing 800 bucks in ten minutes, only to have to sit on a fucking plane for 7 hours to think about it.
I don't always like to bet on sports either, I love to give the hounds a little action. And I don't just pick the cutest dog name or my 3 favorite numbers, I make educated decisions based on every single imaginable statistic you can have about a fucking dog. But in the end it doesn't really matter because I never fucking win anything.
Edit: #1.5 I had six hundred dollars on the Duke, Wake Forrest game, where Duke was upset by a Wake Forrest bucket with 2.4 seconds left. FML