Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Pink Hat Hell
If you know anything about the Red Sox, you know what a Pink Hat is. A Pink Hat is a young woman who gets free tickets from her work, shows up to the park with her pink hat, and doesn't know a goddamn fucking thing about baseball apart from wanting to have Jacoby Ellsbury's baby.
I'll put it this way: If you went to either of the Red Sox parades, but you can't tell me what channel NESN is on, you are a pink hat.
They can often be overheard saying things like "Why isn't Clay Buckhalter pitching? He's so hot!" and "Remember that guy Cocoa Crispies or whatever? LOL" and ask questions like "When is the game gonna be over?"
So if you show up to the park with your buddies and you find that a Pink Hat is sitting behind you, you might as well move to an obstructed view seat because you will have a better time sitting alone behind a fucking load-bearing pillar.
So when I saw this on the internet today I had an aneurysm. It's a watermelon scratch and sniff hat. I'm not kidding. This shit exists.
I guess the MLB will license just about anything. Fuck pride, tradition, history, nah we'll just sell our souls to New Era. It's not even like its for breast cancer awareness like the pink Mother's Day bats or wristbands, which I'm fine with.
There's nothing intrinsically infuriating about the color of the hat specifically, but rather what the hat represents: a bandwagon, know-nothing casual observer that shares all the awesomeness when we win, and none of the heartbreak when we lose.
And this pink scratch and sniff Red Sox hat has gone too damn far.
I swear if my seats are next to a chick thats scratching and sniffing her pink hat, I'll grab her by her pink brim, and make her scratch and sniff my pink ass.
What do you guys think of the new page layout?
at 3:24 PM