The Amy Martin Project

This is Amy Martin. She likes Kenny Chesney and Grey's Anatomy. She hates the snow, loves puppies and works at Hollister Co. And omg she's so fake.

But not in the usual way that most girls are fake. Amy is actually a product of my imagination.

A while ago I decided to perform a social experiment. I wanted to know what it would be like to be a hot chick.

So I searched randomly for girls on MySpace from Texas, and chose her. Pretty, skinny, blonde, adventurous. The average guy's dream.

I gave her an AIM screen name, a fake boyfriend, and I often just go on there and change her status to keep her profile up-to-date.

This took a very long time...months and months to build credibility. But when you're as hot as Amy, people want to be your friend. Every single time I sign on as her, I have dozens of pokes, friend requests, and messages.

Tons of people, including the star of the university's basketball team, actually wrote on her wall for her birthday it was so good. I even got this message from a jealous girlfriend of a guy Amy had friended, but never talked to.

Thought you would like to know...Richard has been deleting lots of friends lately and you have made it into his top 11...I find this interesting since he is very adamant about not telling me who you are. Don't take this message the wrong way please, I'm sure you understand how any girlfriend would feel when a beautiful woman on their boyfriends friends list is said to be "unknown" yet unable to be deleted.

They broke up 2 weeks later.

Amy, a person that doesn't exist, was at least partly responsible for breaking up 2 young lovers.

Now that's fucking power.

One time I was on there changing Amy's status when I got a message from this very Italian gentleman. This is all I could have hoped for, as everyone knows Italians are known for being dumb and horny.

It was funny at first but soon became a bit weird. To the point where every time I signed onto Amy, I had a new message in her inbox from him.

I decided he was perfect for this social experiment.

I had found my mark.

This was back last year, before the Facebook Chat feature, so when Joe messages me, I told him to sign on AIM so I could save the conversation.

I want to make this clear. I did not initiate this.

This is taken verbatim from an AIM chat. As always, the names have been changed.

ItalianJoe: yo yo

ItalianJoe: so you live in ot now?

AmyMartin: yuppers

AmyMartin: u should come see me

I think it is important to note that I get into full character on this one. Straight up To Catch a Predator style.

ItalianJoe: oh really?

AmyMartin: for sure

ItalianJoe: hmm

ItalianJoe: very good possibility, but is there a good reason for me to come?

AmyMartin: oh there is the best reason for you to come...

AmyMartin: sex!

AmyMartin: with a hot girl!

ItalianJoe: hahahah
ItalianJoe: whats your number

AmyMartin: i dropped my phone in a fish tank just come over and fuck me

ItalianJoe: ooooo

ItalianJoe: i hope you're not some crazy fat girl who puts sexy pictures online

If only he wasn't so Italian. So at this point, I want to make sure that he doesn't read my blog already, thus making this whole thing pointless. So I drop him a little hint as to what's going on.

AmyMartin: you ever notice how its always sunny in orono

ItalianJoe: ?

AmyMartin: its always sunny in orono

AmyMartin: seems like

ItalianJoe: lol, i guess so.

Alright, I got the green light with this fucking project. Probably pretty foolish of me to think that anybody would read this stupid website anyway. I should get a job.

So at this point, Joe decides that it is imperative that we meet up tonight, and Amy agrees. I told Joe to meet me at an off campus apartment building where I supposedly lived.

I tell him that I'll wanna spank his tan Italian ass.

ItalianJoe: my friends call me the short tan sensation

AmyMartin: my friends call me oral sex mcgee hehe!...ill meet you in the lobby

ItalianJoe: alright

ItalianJoe: ill leave in a few

AmyMartin: ok can u make it 830? ive gotta shave my pp

ItalianJoe: yeeah i gueeeeeesssss
AmyMartin: my vulva is all wet i cant wait cya at 830 sharp

You would think that talking to a wicked hot, overtly sexual girl online would send up a few red flags. I've tried this before with a few non-Italians and I got caught right away. But this kid is nothing if not persistent.

ItalianJoe: straight up, dont think i can wait until 830

AmyMartin: ok you can come at 8 if you tell me how ur gonna bang me

ItalianJoe: or i could come at 8 and just surprise you.

AmyMartin: i hope ur not one of those really small guys

AmyMartin: in the penile region

ItalianJoe: i might only be 5 foot 6, but i promise...

ItalianJoe: you will have one of the best nights

AmyMartin: of sex

ItalianJoe: yes

AmyMartin: i want you to pull my hair

AmyMartin: not too hard tho or my extensions might come out

It's getting close to 8:00, so we say goodbye and I grab my camera and sprint out to my car to get a spot outside the apartment building to shoot this sad scene.



When I get back to my computer, I have a message waiting for me.

He asks me why I didn't show up, so I tell him my boyfriend decided to stop by after work and I didn't want to get caught.

So I wait about a half hour and start talking to him again.

ItalianJoe: let me come get you

ItalianJoe: i got a biiiiiiig truck

AmyMartin: for wat

AmyMartin: to hide in ?

ItalianJoe: you can hide, but id rather fuck

ItalianJoe: in the truck.

Dr. Seuss over here hasn't given up quite yet. He's still got pussy on his mind, and by George he's gotta get it.

The conversation continues in a pretty graphic way.

ItalianJoe: whts your fav position

AmyMartin: doggy style

AmyMartin: i like when guys hit that shit from behind

ItalianJoe: hmm

ItalianJoe: im sure i can help you out with that

AmyMartin: wats urs

ItalianJoe: same thing

AmyMartin: dont be lame tell me what you're gonna do to me

ItalianJoe: you're gonna have your face in the pillow

ItalianJoe: truuuuust me

AmyMartin: reallllyyyy

ItalianJoe: promise

I usually feel bad fucking with people on this level. I wouldn't have pursued this if I had any sense that he was respectful, or if he said something like "We shouldn't be talking like this you have a boyfriend". I really wouldn't. Instead he says something here that caught me so off guard that I spit my Busch Light all over the screen.

ItalianJoe: 10 inches good for you?

I'm not a doctor or anything, but you would think a 5'6" Italian kid probably isn't going to be the most well endowed person in the world. I have spent some time in the showers with guys playing football for 12 years, and I have never seen anything resembling ten inches. At this point my roommate, the internet's biggest sensation Ben suggests we have him send us a picture of the dick in question. I decide this probably isn't the greatest idea in the world.

AmyMartin: ur 10 inches??

ItalianJoe: depends on how excited you get me

AmyMartin: well i was gonna try and give you a boner hehe

ItalianJoe: then im 10 allllll the way

ItalianJoe: im tellin you...you got noooooooo idea

AmyMartin: u lie

AmyMartin: ill use my yardstick on you

ItalianJoe: ive never measured before but im prettttty sure its atleast 10

So that's where elephant cock and I left off. He wants to hang out tomorrow but Amy isn't sure. A part of me feels like I've embarrassed this kid enough. Then I remember what it feels like to have your girlfriend bang guys just like him.

As far as Italian Joe knows, Amy is real and has a boyfriend. The fact that he knows this and wants to stick his donkey dick inside her anyway really brings my piss to a fucking boil. That's why I've decided to fuck with this kid until I decide when to stop.

I'm gonna make a great father someday.


The Amy Martin Project: Part 2

The Italian Joe Song (Miley Cyrus cover)

It's Always Sunny In Orono

Blogs like David Thorne