Last Saturday was a shit show for the SBINE (Spring Break in New England) crew. The three - stop college tour started at Providence College. Me and Rizzle were going to Rhode Island College to meet some friends, so we figured we might as well stop in and see what our boys at PC were up to. Oddly enough, we find out our buddy Grahambo is in the library. On a Saturday night. This confused, astonished, and angered me and Rizz, so we started drinking.
Rizz waited while I pounded my glass of Evan Williams on the library steps then we burst in on a mission to find Grahambo. Upstairs, downstairs, behind books, underneath the rug, we looked everywhere. I asked a kid "hey, where's my friend Grahambo?" but he didn't know him. He must not be too popular at PC.
Finally we found the bastard in an obscure nook that only a badger could fit into. While Grahambo finished his "last paragraph", me and Rizz played about the loudest paper football game in history.Then on the way out I managed to move around an entire section of books and put them out of order. Aren't I hilarious. We ended up eating in the PC dining hall for free (thanks Dot), I scared the shit out of some people, we bid Grahambo adieu, and then we got the fuck out of there.
Next stop was to Rhode Island College to see them play UMass Dartmouth in the "Conference Championship of Who Gives a Fuck". It was a good hour or more since I had drank anything so I started sobering up. At this point I think the funniest thing all night happened.
We couldn't find the stupid RIC gym so we were driving around aimlessly until we saw an old guy jogging. We rolled down the window to ask him for directions but the guy just kept jogging. Then I saw his head turn back towards us and he starts giving us directions as hes jogging away. He was getting further and further behind us, still talking, until eventually the distance between us became so great that Rizzle was actually shouting back and forth with him trying to clarify the directions. Crazy motherfucker.
Alright so we get to the gym and it's already the second half. Due to the amount of black people in the "crowd", we're able to spot our friends Scarface and Smiles immediately. Me and Rizz go over and stand next to them and watch the rest of the game mercifully come to an end. As we're walking out, some black chick starting talking hip hop to this black dude and they started yelling at each other. Some more black people came over and started pushing back and forth. I even think I saw her spit at him. We're all standing there watching this happen before us, we got potentially WWIII on our hands, and Scarface yells out "Do the Soulja Boy!"
On to a house in Fall River where I start to drink the rest of my whiskey. TPiddy joined up with us and we all started pounding our shit looking for something to do.
We eventually go back to Scarface and Smiles' apartment. So we got Me, Rizzle, TPiddy, Scarface, and Smiles and their two roommates and we're all fucked up and looking for something to do. After an intense Rock Paper Scissors tourney, (I'm not joking when I say it was intense. I lost my voice.) everybody starts wondering around trying to find a party.
Me and Rizzle start walking down the hall, and out pops a young man from another room. Being the friendly kids Rizz and I are, we decide to engage him in a little harmless conversation.
Rizz: Whats up man any parties going on or what
Kid: Ughhh, not really anything no.
Me: Do you think you could beat him up? (pointing to Rizz)
Kid: Umm what? I don't know.
Me: Do you think you could beat me up?
Those must have been the magic words for this fucker because all of sudden, the both of us had to be restrained. I don't know how it happened, thank Evan Williams. The kid starts saying the typical toughguy stuff, out from the behind the 95 pound girl holding him back.
Kid: I'll kick your fucking ass faggot
Me: You gotta get past your tiny girlfriend first
Kid: Keep talking bitch I'll knock you out
Ok. So his girlfriend is crying now. Absolutely bawling. She manages to get him back into their room. I'm absolutely loving the fact that I got this kind of reaction out of him. I start walking back towards the door and when suddenly it flies open again. The kid emerges, this time sans the shirt.
Kid: Lets go faggot
Me: Hey, where'd your shirt go?
Kid: Fuck you bitch you wanna start shit with me?
Me: Dude, I think you lost your shirt.
Kid: Huh, you wanna be a tough guy faggot, lets go!
Me: No dude, seriously I can help you look for it if you want. It must be around here somewhere. Have you been taking Creatine?
Kid: Who the fuck are you?
Me: I have the ninth most read blog in the country
Me: Where's your blog ?
Ah, those words are going to get me into trouble one of these days. Scarface, hearing the commotion comes into the hallway.
Scarface: Dude what the fuck? I knew it. I leave you guys alone for five fucking minutes.
Lucky for me the kid's girlfriend finally got him in the room. First night of spring break in the books.