Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I Saw a Guy on a Unicycle Today

I was walking to class today when suddenly I was aggressively passed by a gentleman on a unicycle. Assuming my eyes had betrayed me, I stared in disbelief as the one-wheeled baron tore by me at three times my speed. My first thought: "Gee what a neat bicycle...wait a minute".

Of course, there are many more socially acceptable, albeit boring, modes of transportation. How about a skateboard or a bike? Christ he could have got a piggy back ride and I would have stared at him less.

Along with the unicycle, this man rocked a mustache and a long, flowing mane of hair. I don't want to judge him based solely on his appearance, but I will say he looked like he might have child porn on his computer.

Once when I was eleven my father took me to a circus where people were riding unicycles across a tight rope. At first I thought, "Gosh these men have serious skillz". But as soon as the drugs wore off I found it to be about as entertaining as Lou Gehrig's Disease.

Things I would rather be seen riding than a unicycle:

a zebra
a wheel barrow
a humpback whale
Sarah Jessica Parker
a bicycle


  1. I love SJP. And can I tell you how awesome you'd look riding a humpback whale? You'd almost be like Moby Dick. Except he was in a whale. You'd kinda be like Captain Jack Sparrow on the backs of sea turtles.

    Was the guy on the unicycle part of the group that unicycles across their man-made tightrope? They're usually in front of the library in the spring and fall. And they don't wear shoes. And they walk on their tightrope. or unicycle across. And they usually wear earthy colors. You know who I'm talking about.

    They're the girls that paint themselves green and rides bikes naked on Earth Day. They're the people that shouldn't be seen naked on any day.

  2. Dude Ive always wanted to hide in the bushes and wait for one of them to pass by and run out and either body check the guy or stick a big stick in the spokes of the unicycle then watch chaos ensue.

  3. How old was he? It might have been me, as I ride a unicycle, Orange, with a big fat tire!

  4. Dan, A, that would never work and B, the unicycler would just keep going and land on his feet, as unicycles have nothing to hold you there and are actually safer then bicycles!


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