One of my favorite hobbies is internet trolling. Rather than trolling for swordfish, bass, or delicious whale, I troll for humans. More specifically, the people who like to write paragraphs of text under YouTube videos arguing the existence of God.
Do you honestly think anyone has ever achieved religious enlightenment by reading the comment section under a YouTube video? Will you change your stance on gay marriage after reading what JesusDude247 wrote under some 13 year old girl's piano cover of Party in the USA? Of course not. People take the internet to goddamn seriously. That is why I troll.
In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.
So here's what I do. I find some random video with a decent amount of views, leave a little Brhetoric (patent pending) , and wait for some retard to read it and get pissed off. Then, instead of engaging in a serious political discussion, I give them a healthy dose of "OMG WTF".
Here's an example. After watching a video in which a poor weatherman "failed", I felt compelled to type this into the comment section. You can click the images to make them full size, unless you're a hawk or other predatory bird, in which case you can read it just fine.
I hadn't realized that this was an actual hobby of mine until I looked back at my one year comment history on YouTube, and went "yikes stripes".
Now I will share with you a sampling of my work on YouTube, in an attempt to instill upon the world an important lesson I learned from David Thorne. The internet is a playground.
Double Unboxing:: Smackdown v.s. Raw 2009 and Skate 2
George Carlin - Religion is bullshit.
In this clip, George argues soundly and hilariously that religion is the greatest hoax instilled upon mankind. Ironically, he is now dead.
A little while later, another less eloquent and probably Asian friend joins in the discussion:
A Lil Wayne video:
A cover of an Offspring song:
A video implying that the characters of the Lord of the Rings could have ridden large birds to safety:
The funniest one was probably the one where I wrote: "Who is this Dr. Dre character? I am a very educated man. I went to Harvard. Never heard of him", which illicited over 40 responses from people who were very angry with me. Some of the comments were hilarious but unfortunately I just can't post that much script here.
Some posts got thumbed down too many times and disappeared from the comment section of their respective videos, but I was able to find a few on my channel:
And finally, this is what the comment section of my YouTube channel looks like:
I wish I was a real troll, so I could eat them.