Wednesday, November 4, 2009

50 First Dates

My girlfriend and I were blessed with the opportunity to watch 50 First Dates starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. It was delightful. I said to her, "I wish I could write a movie that clever." So then I got up and wrote down 6 off the top of my head. Take that Hollywood!

50 First Apes: This is a movie about a horde of disgruntled primates living in captivity who are severely mistreated by a snarky zookeeper. The first 50 who do not die of malnutrition are killed for spite.

50 First Rapes: Directed by M. Night Shyamalan, it's a romantic comedy about a beautiful teenage model trying to make it big in Hollywood. She thought she had caught her big break when she was invited to audition for the part of an adopted daughter on "Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns", but in a surprise twist ending (SPOILER ALERT!) she finds the Cleveland Browns waiting for her instead, and is mercilessly raped for several hours.

50 First Mates: The whimsical tale of 18th century pirate Captain Harry Higgenbottom, whose desperate search for a first-mate ends abruptly when he develops a severe staph infection in his peg leg and is forced to perform an impromptu amputation with a sea cucumber.

50 First States: The hard hitting true story of President Gerald Ford's college years. This documentary digs deep to uncover that indeed, he was quite boring in college.

50 First Plates: A love story that chronicles the romantic relationship between a serial arsonists and his collection of vintage license plates.

50 First Tapes: The tragic tale of a pornographic actress who, after enjoying years of vigorious yet sensuous coitus, loses her battle with cervical cancer. She is denied entry into Heavan based on her promiscuous past, but bribes Saint Peter with 50 copies of her most famous films, including: Finding Nemo's G-Spot, Schindler's Fist, and Cheaper with my Cousin.


  1. genius....pure genius

  2. Brett I still have the original list of movie titles that you, parker, and I came up with senior year in psych. Here are a few little rosebuds that you may or may not remember: womb raider, the three splooges, the fast and the curious, beauty and the beastiality, diarrhea of anne frank, the grundle book, the passion of your mom, and 30 others. haha

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