Saturday, December 25, 2010
You know what's weird? Donner is actually Rudolph's father, yet they both work for Santa. If I was Donner I'd be like "Damnit son, your stupid red nose is glowing again." and he'd probably be like "STFU dad".
You always hear a bunch of shit about Rudolph, but literally nothing about the others. So I thought it would be a nice Christmas gesture to give the other reindeer some love.
Dasher - The newest member of the team, Dasher, has Autism. So grateful was he to be a part of this Christmas tradition, that he accepted the position of Anchor at the back of the sleigh. Which is fine, if you like animal fecal shit flying up in your face all the time. Or you don't even notice. Because you're Autistic.
Dancer - A former Miss Reindeer USA contestant, whose propensity for ballet carried her through the talent portion of the contest, but unfortunately was not enough to compensate for her unsightly cleft lip.
Prancer - The only openly homosexual reindeer on Santa's sleigh, often seen wearing Dancer's ballet slippers and prancing around like a fruit. He dated Lance Bass briefly, but the tabloids had a field day with the obvious fish reference ("Reindeer Caught Kissing Bass", etc).
Vixen - Vixen is a RILF. This foxy bitch knows how to work her hind legs. Tight, rockin bod (for a reindeer), all the male reindeer want their turn with her. Except Prancer. He's a fag.
Comet - In human terms, Comet is a Eunuch, although his castration was performed accidentally by a chimney. This has been incredibly difficult for him, as he can no longer act on his hoof fetish.
Cupid - it's 340 am and i didn't think the old cupid story was funny so fuck it
Blitzen - A former substitute teacher, Blitzen was convicted of manslaughter after accidentally getting his horns tangled in a young student's abdomen. He served 8 years of a 12 year sentence before taking advantage of Santa's Work Release Program.
Hope Santa was good to you guys.
at 10:09 AM